Update issues

Hey everyone, I'm sorry that there hasnt been any updates recently and I'm trying to fix that, but I'd like everyone to know what's happening, without all the vagueness.

Simply put I'm losing people, its all happening at once and at a speed that scares me. For the past year or two my Grandfather has slowly deteriorated due to Parkinsons, to the point where he can barely speak and eat, let alone walk. And this is a guy whos been around the world with the army, survived battles that he will not speak of, taught children the wonder of music, raised a family while travelling around the world. So when this giant of a man sits crippled in a chair, crying because his wife is gone and he can no longer live the life he once had.

And my Grandmother doesnt help any of this, Alzhemiers has taken the person she was and replaced it with someone whos response to help is anger, rather than thanks. A person who for no fault of her own hurts people she loves, and with each passing day loses another part of herself.

And that is within my family, recently 2 friends of my family have died in the last week. A friend of my sisters was killed when he was hit by a car in Swadlincote, and a friend of my fathers died when he lost control of his Ferrari and hit a tree.

I didnt know these people well, but I can see the pain on my family's faces and for someone like me who's mood reflects that of others, I can feel the loss. And it makes me think of the pain people are suffering and I worry, for while I may not have know my sisters friend "Frodo" I did know the son of my Fathers friend. I feel sorrow and worry for him, for the pain he feels and in part the pain I know I will feel, for I will feel loss sooner rather than later.

I feel almost paralysed by it all, unable to lift a pencil or pen to put thoughts to paper. Instead I want to curl up into a ball and wish everything better, though I know it wont be, I know that this is going to continue and I will keep losing people and I dont want it to happen.

It makes me wonder if life is worth it, and right now I'm not entirely sure but I'm going to keep on living it. And maybe I'll bring some life into this world, a part of me given shape and soul with the help of another.

For I guess thats what we all want.

A family.